MadWoman: Madly Bemused!

Welcome to MadWoman: Madly Bemused! It was part of my new year's intention to start a newsletter. I have so much to say and oftentimes it comes out jumbled and incoherent – whether in my speech or on stream-of-conscious text. Usually, it is an overwhelming onslaught of energy poured out onto whoever is "there" to receive it. But that isn't right. I have made it one of my new moon intentions to collect my thoughts and more carefully curate them into a piece of writing.

This newsletter serves to reclaim the word “mad” as something powerful, sexy, and all-knowing. It says wild-women are the way of the future. For the feminine is one that only needs to look within, rather than outside to find the answers. No sparkling job, Lip injection filler, ridiculous ring, or extra-terrestrial swirling accoutrement Will make her whole – she already is, she just has to believe it.

When I told my mom I bought the domain “madwomen.me” she said “it sounds like you are angry.” While of course this is true sometimes, with the start of a new astrological season (Capricorn: marked by ambition and discipline), plus a new moon in Sagittarius (marked by expansion and freedom) and winter solstice (a time to ascend and reset), I am reclaiming the word and striving to undo its pejorative undertones. Obviously, the word mad includes the first three letters of my name, it also serves as a double entendre. My kivun (Hebrew for way) is to reclaim a woman’s madness for herself. The stories where we are meant to feel like “too much” – too emotional, too crazy, too big so that we must make ourselves smaller – must die.

In the late nineteenth century French Neurologist Jean Martin Charcot studied women who “acted out" and diagnosed them with a “new female malady” called hysteria. I wonder: were they actually hysterical or or just existing in and judged by a world that was not created for them? Over a century post Charcot’s study and I observe many – like myself – labeled Insane or crazy for straying from anything that is carefully prescribed. We are scared to venture out into the off-kilter and we ignore our pings. But what happens when we listen? Take my most recent examples: I quit (multiple) socially accepted, high paying finance jobs for wonkier, more creative roads. when people wanted to know what I was doing, I couldn’t exactly give a straight answer. I broke up with a “perfect” boyfriend when It just didn't feel right (Who, I was told I couldn't break up with because I "finally found someone who would put up with my alotness"). I then "ran away" to Israel without a mapped out plan, Other than to just be there: How novel! Also, might I add, without friends or family. While on the surface the above actions read one way (crazy, illogical, WTF?) the results proved to pay dividends for my own sanity, identity center, and sense of purpose and direction. Indeed, the irony is once we start to find our own inner peace, the outside world starts calling us mad.

The etymology of the word tracing back to the thirteenth century old english literally means “to be out of one’s mind.” But why is this such a Frowned upon state ? Our world is One that is governed by laws of hyper-rationale and look at it – riddled with violence, ego, and "decorous public exchanges" that is just a nice way of saying political control. We can understand that this "reasoned" world operating on logic and control isn't always right. How about guiding with our sacral authority and intuition, leading with our hearts and bodies? Especially as women, our intuition is heightened and it is one of our greatest gifts (by the way, psychic abilities are simply ascended intuition). This means: when you feel something, listen. When you feel frustrated, it’s usually because society’s conditioning is at odds with your own "soul GPS" in the words of Oprah or "Knowing" in the words of Glennon Doyle.

When the romans joined forces with the catholic church and spiritual feminine practice was banned (circa fourteenth century), we saw a fall of the woman and a fall of the trust in herself. Marianne Williamson writes: “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.” I wish more would believe this. WE ARE SO MADLY POWERFUL, so LET’S USE IT! So often are “mad women” Logic'd out of their own witchy power, where their sacral authorities screams what’s good. The “insanity” of our gut-guiding life force makes those who are not listening feel uncomfortable or jealous, so they write you off as “crazy” or what you're doing as “weird.” It is easy to lament or degrade others who are in touch with their soul-madness when one's inner world is kept tame and at bay to morph into molds. But how many are numb with substances, eating, drinking, cleaning, working, scrolling, exercising, shopping, and/or sex? How often do you stop to stop and hear the whispers rather than the shoulds?

As women we have completely lost our inner knowing of what we know to be right for us. Instead, we look outside of ourselves for answers. Unfortunately our world tells all of us that happiness and check marks are attained from the external. We are hit with subliminal and overt messages that beautiful faces, skinnier bodies, lavish weddings, marriage by a certain age, perfect grades, Ivy-league pedigrees, highest credentials, and millions of dollars will make us happy. This is why today the modern woman is still mad. She does not know herself since her identity is intertwined with what lays outside of her. It is time to take the power back! Now we all must empower ourselves and each other to reclaim the magic. I hope you feel emboldened to take back your own light in the festival of lights.

Lots of love, Madeline